Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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