Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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