This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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