The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ugly people sure do ruin things
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
