I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
