He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
