so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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