i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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