Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
