you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
