It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
