You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
