wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
