a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
