Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Too much gin, very little bucket
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
