He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
