So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
