Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
