I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
