He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
