I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and she was petting her beer can
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
