there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
