You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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