so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
