I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
