note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
