it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
