dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
