Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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