Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
