Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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