I think I won the penis lottery.
i think i have herpe
just one?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
