I heard we made out
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He felt like a one man threesome
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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