Umm I'm too high to move.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
