Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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