Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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