i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
