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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
