He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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