I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
