Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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