I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
