He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
