I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
