of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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