He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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