i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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