Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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