dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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