I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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