Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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