Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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