It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
