sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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