So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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