i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
