you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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