Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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