Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
