I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
