oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
why do cheetos always look like penises
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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