he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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