Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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