Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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