i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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