girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
