too bad you live with your parents still
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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