1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
