i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
